September Diary6

         

  My mom called me out of the blue and asked if I wanted to go to dinner.i agreed and went to take a bath. As I was soaking in the tub. My phone rang and I struggled to answer with my slippery wet fingers. My mom was furious. She was already parked at my place and was waiting impatiently. I had no time to brush my teeth and quickly slipped into a dirty shirt with mustard stains and a pair of very loose pants that needed a belt.

        In the car, I mentioned my craving for sushi. My mom said we should go to the seafood place in the shopping center by the pier, since she had no knowledge of good sushi restaurants. At the restaurant, I got shrimp and chips and my mom got halibut and chips. The food was mediocre. There were lots of fries left. Before the food arrived there was a moment of tension when my mom interrupted me in the middle of the conversation to check her phone.

         I felt the way I always feel when I'm around her. I felt everything was always about her and I was never going to be as important as her work and her needs. I accepted long ago that I will never have a real relationship with her, but it still stings me. On the way back to camarillo, the conversion turned into all manner of things. 

     She told me some dark and disturbing facts about her family's past. Then I had a new respect for her. She had anger and impulse issues, but at least she never molested me or my siblings. We talked on and on. We decided the thing I need to turn my life around is a coach. Looking for a life coach is gonna be more easy said than done. I hope I can be receptive to help. It will be hard to change an outlook I've had since age twelve.